For individuals within the queer community, friendships are a crucial source of relationships. These relationships provide a sense of belonging, emotional support, and a safe space to explore ones identity and sexuality. Beyond the confines of traditional romantic norms, platonic relationships foster deep emotional connections, shared experiences, and a sense of understanding that transcends societal expectations. Queering your friendships challenges this theft of choice. Being queer and placing friendships at the centre of our emotional fabric is often the strongest challenge to brahminical patriarchal systems, where the gender binary dictates how we choose the people in our lives.
Love and companionship, with or without its damning sexual lens, are very much like friendship. Friendships and queerness find common ground and inform each other through their nonconformity. Placing friendships at the center of life, rather than marriage or sexual partnerships, calls into question social structures. In October 2023, the Supreme Court declined to legalize queer marriage in India. The queer motivation for marriage legalization is not an example of conformism. Among other things, it can be a plea for safety for some queer people fleeing hostile families and police harassment.
In queer friendships, the blurring of the gender binary allows for the democratization of care. Queerness can also teach us to question the nature and extent of care we might expect from sexual relationships, especially through the lenses of aromanticism and asexuality. When we grieve for a loved one within existing systems of care, the family unit is expected to rush in to help each other get through the beast of grief. However, as many queer people struggle with queer loneliness and being misgendered within existing familial systems, friends who see and love them for who they are can provide a safe haven, allowing them to be authentic even as their lives unravel.
Caste does not allow you to choose who you want to love. Any attempt to end marginalisation in India is an attempt to abolish caste. Within existing systems that dictate who and how we love, friendship may provide space to subvert this because we frequently cultivate space to learn and unlearn through dialogue with our friends. Queerness is frequently defined by the romantic relationships we portray to the world. However, platonic relationships are equally important.
Beyond the constraints of traditional romantic norms, platonic relationships foster deep emotional connections, shared experiences, and a sense of understanding that defies societal expectations. Friendships in the queer space are not based on feelings of limitation, narrowness, or constriction. Many people use the space of queer friendship to better understand themselves, their feelings, and their sexual orientations.
Sometimes friendships can also be hard for people who are not visibly queer. They may not feel a part of the hetronormative friendship and also queer friendships. This can lead to feeling a part of none of the communities and if the person is further marginalised can lead to more harm. Even in community events, it might be engaging and fun to attend and one might find acquaintances and folks to spend time with but maybe not on a deeper level.
